Why do children end up in tantrums and how should we respond?

Why do children end up in tantrums and how should we respond?

Tantrums are a normal part of child development. It usually occurs in children if they are not provided with what they want or desire to have. For instance, if a kid desperately wants to use a mobile phone or wants to go out and play and these things are controlled by the parents, by not letting them do that eventually leads to a kid’s aggressive behavior.

Kids usually react by throwing things on the ground, kicking against the floor or the wall, crying which leads to redness in their face and sometimes even hurting themselves, like biting their fingers or pulling their hair, etc and hunger is the most common cause.

Children may also have tantrums to seek attention or to avoid something. Parents often blame themselves because of their poor parenting when the real cause lies in the combination of a child’s personality, immediate circumstances, and developmentally normal behavior. Tantrums can have a negative and positive impact on children.


1. Aggressiveness
2. Hurting themselves
3. Depression
4. Immoral behavior
5. Disobedience


1. Extinguishing the emotion
2. Calling themselves by crying out
3. Learning to solve things etc;

Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. It is better if a parent does not look at it as a disaster and uses it more as an opportunity for education. This usually occurs from the age of 1 to 3. It may not be the same for all the kids, few may have tantrums very often and few may have them rarely.

It is a way of expressing, that they are upset over something. Tantrums also help children to develop skills in dealing with the problem over time. These tantrums may reduce from time to time when language skills are starting to develop.

Temper tantrums in child

Children’s usually want independence, freedom, and control over the environment more than they can handle. He/she does not want to be controlled but wants to control which is beyond their powers. This gives them the feeling of ‘I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN’. But once when the child comes to know that, they cannot handle it on their own or feel like, they can’t have everything they want that is when they have tantrums.


1. Giving positive attention can help a child to calm themselves. Make it a habit of rewarding or praising your kid with positive attention.

2. Do not stress over your child – If you feel that your child needs rest, make sure that they get rest, instead of planning for something else.

3. Make a wise choice when your kid requests you for something- Make sure that it isn’t outrageous. Choose the best.

4. Distraction- You can distract your child by offering something which attracts them or changes the environment by taking them outside to another room

children end up with tantrum

5. Keep the objects out of the site- You can avoid the situation by keeping the things out of sight and out of reach which are not meant for them.

6. Let them take control over little things- Make sure that you give the freedom of choice to your kid, over little things like “Do you want to play with the doll or do you want to sleep?” or “Do you want to eat apple or mango?”

Kids are a reflection of what parents are, they usually imitate what the parents do. Be very careful of your behavior in the first place. if your child does not stay calm even if you said that they can’t have it just stop giving explanations and proceed to the next activity by distracting them from that particular thing.

Now once you know that your child is calm, make sure that you hug them and tell them that they are loved no matter what and praise them of how well they calmed down Be patient and stay calm.


Like that saying goes “KILL HATRED WITH LOVE” In order to subside your kid’s anger, you need to pour as much love as you can. Give them all the love that they need, you will immediately see the change in your kid’s behavior.

unconditional love

Do not show your anger on your kids, it will mentally break them. Make sure that you always remain calm and cool, even if your kid is aggressive. If this does not work out the best thing one can do is ignore it. The moment you start ignoring your kid, he will stop that behavior


Why do children end up in tantrums and how should we respond?


Hurting themselves


Extinguishing the emotion


Malathi A Ganesh is a B. Com Graduate, NTT, M.A (Lit), PGDEA (PG in Education Administration), PGDCA (PG Diploma in Computer Application), DTE (Diploma in Teaching English), ICEPT (International Certificate in Education Preschool Teaching) from Singapore and B. Ed. She has been in the field of education for the past 20 years and has an experience of running her own pre-school She is the Founder & Director Academics of Smartkidz Educare India Pvt Ltd with 275+ play schools Pan India. She is an Educationist and a Child Psychologists by profession who wants to fulfill her dream of giving Quality Education to children in their earlier years. She is also into conducting positive parenting workshops, which talks about effective child rearing. She has conducted numerous parenting workshops in all her pre schools, schools and MNC’s.

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