How can you cherish your child by having a quality of unconditional love?
Humans are born ready to love and be loved, all the parents recognize the adoration reserved especially for parents. The tiny feet trying to walk and those little arms trying to reach out things, there is a different joy of the child and the parent in their world of mutual delight.
Children expect to be cherished. These cherishing moments help the child to know, who he is, right from head to toe. By doing this the child learns that “Yes, these are my hands, how good it feels when daddy kisses it”. “Mom gets happy when I respond to her” this also helps the child to know that “mom and dad love me and I am worth loving”
Firstly what is unconditional love? Loving your children no matter what, which includes, loving them at their best and worst? Loving them regardless of their skin tone, their looks, size, normal or abnormal is called unconditional love
Giving your children love is not only about pampering them, but also being with them at their worst, giving them support, right from feeding them till changing their diapers without any hesitation is called unconditional love for your children.
The expectation of this unconditional love is what allows our children to learn so quickly. For the parent, to cherish is to revel, to be grateful even in the middle of a diaper change, and sleeplessness and colic that this child was sent to these arms.
But if we have not cherished ourselves, cherishing can be challenging. We may find it difficult to revel in our new child. We may find ourselves annoyed, rather than delighted by her need for our attention, angry rather than sympathetic when he cries.
And for the child, what happens when this needs to cherish and be cherished is frustration? Frustration, of course, is a form of anger. A lack of being cherished creates an angry child.
Most parents try to cherish their child, but we are all hostage to our scar tissues, which means there are limits on our ability to cherish. We should know to love and cherish our child irrespective of what they do, but instead, we love them, if they have done something good only.
Any behavior that is rewarded will be repeated while behavior going unrewarded declines or stops. Praise the work of the child and not the child.
A parent might adore the child, for instance, but find it difficult to deal with them when they act cranky. What happens? The child simply rejects itself and will create a feeling of self-hatred. As she rejects herself part of herself, her emotional growth is compromised.
For a child to grow his self-esteem, encouragement is a must. It goes deep underground. We defend ourselves against this dangerous need that would make us vulnerable, we ward it off with anger, which eventually turns into bitterness.
That hungry heart, those unmet needs, is what drives all “bad behavior” on the part of our children. Sure, some kids, like all humans, just what they want. And all children have times when they are overwhelmed by emotion or have a hard time regulating their behavior.
But children who feel unconditionally loved and accepted have fewer “bad” feelings driving their behavior. Their brains develop the ability to self-regulate earlier. They prioritize relationships with their parents, so they are more open to the parent’s influence, they want to cooperate. They see themselves as of value, able to make a positive contribution to the world.
They are happier, more cooperative, more responsible and more emotionally generous.
Does unconditional love sound like too big a lift? That just means you need more support. This is some of the hardest work anyone ever does. You don’t need to do this alone. Reach out for the support you need to be the inspired, emotionally generous parent you are inside.
If every child is cherished, the world would be a wonderful place to live.