What happens when the child does not care for consequences or timeouts?
When you send your child to a timeout zone or you take away his benefits for trouble-making, you expect that the consequences should bother, so that it will help him to settle on better decisions next time.
So, it could be very disappointing if your child does not want to care about the consequences you give him. And maybe he goes back to doing similar misconduct within 10 minutes of you sending him to a timeout. Or on the other hand, he chuckles when you reveal to him that he is being punished. So here are a few questions you need to consider in such cases:
Does he really not care: A child may say, “I don’t care” when my parents take away the cell phone since he does not want his parents to realize that it upsets him. But, losing his mobile benefits might really bother him.
Pay little attention to your child’s remarks about your consequences. Give more and more consideration to his behaviour. So, if his behaviour changes after you’ve given a consequence, then take it as a sign that your timeout has worked.
Is it discipline or a consequence: What is the difference, have you ever wondered? Possibly not much, however, we have to pause for a minute and distinguish between the two to know why you should choose consequence over discipline. Here are a few differences:
Consequences have a reason.
Discipline makes us (as guardians) feel “uniform.”
Consequences help a child progress in the direction of a particular goal.
Disciplines help a child work towards something.
Consequences address mind and future conduct.
Discipline address past conduct.
Are the consequences excessively indulgent: Maybe they did not care because your consequence isn’t an outcome that could bother him or make a difference. Warnings are no consequences. Saying, “try to behave well or else we will leave” is not a consequence but is a warning
Is it accurate to say that you are using the right type of consequences: If at all, your timeouts do not change his conduct, examine the type of consequence you are using? While taking away the cell phone benefits from your child, might be a suitable consequence for a cell phone violation, it may not function well for a fight between siblings.
Try to attach the consequence legitimately to the mistake. If your child rides his bicycle out of the said place, take away his bike benefits. Also, if he won’t keep back his toys, take away his toys from him.
Is the time frame appropriate: The best results are given just after the misbehaviour? So, if it is two weeks before you had your 5-year-old colour on the walls in the guest room, a consequence won’t make sense afterwards. The duration of time during the timeout keeps going, is another factor to be considered.
If you place a 12-year-old in a timeout zone for 2 minutes, he will not bother. Actually, at this age, he may think that sitting in his room is a benefit. Taking away his video games for 3 months is not a smart thought either. Consequences that go on too long makes children lose interest to move on.
Is my child too furious to even think about caring: If tempers are running high and you have quite recently given a consequence, you may get an answer “I will not bother”. Try not to give the chance to discourage yourself or your child. Simply stick with the consequence (ensuring it is a consequence and not discipline) and ensure that anger does not influence you.
Moreover, always remember your reason behind the timeouts and understand, if your child doesn’t care about it, it is more like “just saying”. Although, never be too hard on your child. They are still growing up and all you want them to do, is learn from their mistakes and realise, from the timeouts you may have set for them.